My time spent with Auntie these days has been very revealing and I have learnt a lot from her openness and generosity. She often turns up around mealtimes with home-grown cucumbers and tomatoes to contribute to a meal, which we then eat together. When we presented the fork for eating the chilli con carne and mashed potato last night she took a quick glance at the rest of us then tucked in. She takes all our foreign oddities in her stride and we connect on simple common ground - we are all people, and we take time to communicate with each other. This afternoon she fetched some books from the activity centre and sat for an hour in the shade fully absorbed by the pictures, especially the animals, which conjured up many memories and tales. I don't understand everything she shows us in actions, but I do my best to listen and empathise. Isn't this a basic human need, to feel listened to?
I've found the most challenging thing about being with Auntie is dealing with other people. Mid-afternoon I accompanied Auntie back through the village to her home. She was shouted at for stepping on someone's patch of garden to pick up a (rubbish) bottle. When I pointed out to the woman that Auntie wasn't doing any harm she glared at me and the dirty looks continued until we were out of sight. In the village itself the old people on the street made a point of telling me that Auntie is dirty, we shouldn't let her in our house and it's better we stay clear. Even a member of Auntie's family, along with two shop keepers, chastised us for showing Auntie kindness. She expressed disbelief that Auntie could "kan shu" (look at books), figuring we must be talking about two different people, especially when I added that she seems to enjoy joining in our family life. I returned home with such a gloomy feeling, after experiencing so much negativity and criticism of both Auntie and ourselves. It seems that the majority of people I've come into contact with here (that includes all our neighbours, who also chase Auntie away) seem incapable of believing that, despite being unable to communicate verbally, Auntie is still a perceptive, emotional, thinking being. Sure I was a bit disappointed when Auntie turned up in the middle of my tai qi session, but I overcame it when I realised she was happy to help herself to a mug of water, sit and watch, happy to let me carry on. You can't have better guests than that.
I've found the most challenging thing about being with Auntie is dealing with other people. Mid-afternoon I accompanied Auntie back through the village to her home. She was shouted at for stepping on someone's patch of garden to pick up a (rubbish) bottle. When I pointed out to the woman that Auntie wasn't doing any harm she glared at me and the dirty looks continued until we were out of sight. In the village itself the old people on the street made a point of telling me that Auntie is dirty, we shouldn't let her in our house and it's better we stay clear. Even a member of Auntie's family, along with two shop keepers, chastised us for showing Auntie kindness. She expressed disbelief that Auntie could "kan shu" (look at books), figuring we must be talking about two different people, especially when I added that she seems to enjoy joining in our family life. I returned home with such a gloomy feeling, after experiencing so much negativity and criticism of both Auntie and ourselves. It seems that the majority of people I've come into contact with here (that includes all our neighbours, who also chase Auntie away) seem incapable of believing that, despite being unable to communicate verbally, Auntie is still a perceptive, emotional, thinking being. Sure I was a bit disappointed when Auntie turned up in the middle of my tai qi session, but I overcame it when I realised she was happy to help herself to a mug of water, sit and watch, happy to let me carry on. You can't have better guests than that.
Auntie reading Puzzle Ocean and Kids' National Geographic.
Evening update: Auntie returned this evening to show me photos of her son. It seems he graduated several years back and now has a young daughter, a grandaughter who Auntie clearly adores. No 2 Uncle came to visit this evening too, though he wouldn't come in through the gate at first. Auntie had been telling him about her visits up here and he didn't believe her. Given the behaviour of the neighbours to them both, I'm not surprised: Old Yang next door shouted at No 2 Uncle when he kindly brushed some dirt off his shoulder; Old Mrs Lu came storming into our yard and shouted to Auntie to go home and cook her own dinner. She wasn't eating with us at the time, but all the neighbours know that she has in the past; a pack of 5 local dogs snarled at their ankles and their owners did nothing to stop them - they're not used to feeling welcome, chased off like stray dogs. The dogs growled, he raised his stick to ward them off, they snarled and barked more, moving closer as if to bite, he shouted back and so it went on, as the onlookers waited for Uncle to leav I sense this is a common scenario.This afternoon I intevened. I asked No 2 uncle to put his stick down, the dogs moved back and peace was resumed. The neighbours looked bemused as to why I felt the need to make peace. The only person who didn't involve himself was Uncle Zhou (very chatty and helpful to me and Edie when we first moved in), who was busy doing a watercolour painting of the Great Wall from the street. He's a labourer and was recently given some paints and paper by visiting artists from Beijing, who were staying in a nearby guesthouse. Although he refers to himself as "uneducated", he speaks a bit of English, is artistic, open-minded and the most tolerant - towards us as well as No 2 Uncle and Auntie.
I've found today hard. It's one thing having to avoid vicious dogs; it's another trying to ward off nasty neigbours, especially when I feel responsible for Auntie's welfare when she's visiting us. I've spent more time than I would like to have fending off warnings, riducule and general ill-will towards our visitors. I could ignore it but I find myself responding, trying to give people a different perspective, especially the local children. The good news is I've noticed a change in the behaviour of two girls who come to play. They no longer give Auntie a wide berth and when she speaks to them they smile and nod, rather than cringing and running away. I'd like to think she doesn't pick up all that's being said about her, but from the look on her face she understands the general meaning. Sometimes she looks sad, sometimes she laughs, sometimes she just walks away. If only everyone demonstrated her level of tolerance.
I've found today hard. It's one thing having to avoid vicious dogs; it's another trying to ward off nasty neigbours, especially when I feel responsible for Auntie's welfare when she's visiting us. I've spent more time than I would like to have fending off warnings, riducule and general ill-will towards our visitors. I could ignore it but I find myself responding, trying to give people a different perspective, especially the local children. The good news is I've noticed a change in the behaviour of two girls who come to play. They no longer give Auntie a wide berth and when she speaks to them they smile and nod, rather than cringing and running away. I'd like to think she doesn't pick up all that's being said about her, but from the look on her face she understands the general meaning. Sometimes she looks sad, sometimes she laughs, sometimes she just walks away. If only everyone demonstrated her level of tolerance.
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